


A Million Reasons

by momojuusu



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 05:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12292182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momojuusu/pseuds/momojuusu
Summary: Kihyun is still in love with Minhyuk. He has a million reasons to love Minhyuk still, reasons that Minhyuk will never understand.





	A Million Reasons

Kihyun’s heart was throbbing rapidly when he stepped closer to the table, where someone had been waiting for him. He was half an hour late and he hoped the person at the table would understand. He should prepare himself before meeting this person. It wasn’t easy; it was never easy to meet Lee Minhyuk after what had happened.

It had been two years, and when Minhyuk’s figure came to Kihyun’s sight, he didn’t find the guy changing much. Only his hair turned from dark brown to reddish-brown, which made him even more stunning. The rest was still the same—Minhyuk was still the most beautiful person Kihyun had ever met.

Minhyuk smiled when he saw Kihyun, eyes following every step Kihyun took, which made Kihyun feel like crying. Kihyun forced a smile when he was sitting across from Minhyuk, and he knew Minhyuk could see how his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Minhyuk,” The name came out through his lips. It was funny how Kihyun missed saying the name, calling it whenever he wanted. The name used to leave a sweet taste on his tongue, but now it only left bitterness with a little bit feelings of longing.

(Or, many feelings of longing. Kihyun missed Minhyuk so much it hurt.)

“Ki,” Minhyuk greeted, still with the nickname he had for his dear friend (but, they were no longer friends, Kihyun assumed). “It’s been a while. How are you?”

Kihyun tried his best not to scoff at the question. Minhyuk should’ve known how  _not_  okay he was. He was never okay since two years ago when they chose to separate their ways. He was never okay since Minhyuk decided to spend the rest of his life with Hyunwoo and moved with him to Japan, leaving Kihyun broken, crawling in his own sadness.

This was their first meeting after two years without contacting each other. Kihyun didn’t want to ruin their moment with telling how broken he was, but he was too weak to do so. “I’m never okay since the day you left me,” he said with a low voice.

Kihyun congratulated himself for wiping the beautiful smile from Minhyuk’s face.

There was a moment of silence between them before Minhyuk spoke up, “What we did back then wasn’t right, Kihyun,” the male said cautiously. “It’s not like I wanted to leave you; I couldn’t. I was so weak when it came to you, and if I stayed, I would only ruin my relationship with Hyunwoo.”

_I can’t live without Hyunwoo. I’m nothing without Hyunwoo. I’m dying without Hyunwoo._  Minhyuk didn’t say that, but Kihyun could see it in his eyes. It hurt Kihyun; the pain was still as the greatest as the one he had two years ago.

No, actually, the pain never left. It was there, sleeping inside Kihyun, and now meeting Minhyuk triggered it to come back to the surface.

“You shouldn’t have come back to my life,” Kihyun balled his hands into two tight fists. It was so hard to say; it was so hard to send Minhyuk away from him. He was so lucky that Minhyuk still wanted to meet him, but it was so hard to be his usual self, the sassy Kihyun, strong Kihyun when his lethal weakness was in front of him, destroying all pieces of his heart that he had collected with great effort.

Minhyuk stared at him and Kihyun couldn’t even look into the man’s eyes. He didn’t want to see pity and sorry in those beautiful orbs that he never stopped adoring. He hung his head low, biting his lower lip as he hardly held back the tears that started welling up in his eyes.

“It’s been two years, Ki,” Minhyuk started again, hopelessness thick in his voice. “Why do you still fall for me? How could you keep those feelings for me after all this time?”

There wouldn’t be enough time to explain how Kihyun could still be in love with Minhyuk up until now. He had a million reasons to love Minhyuk. He had a million reasons to stay and wait for Minhyuk to come back to him, even though he knew it would never happen.

He had a million reasons to love the way Minhyuk smiled, the way Minhyuk laughed, the way Minhyuk whined when it started to get too cold, the way Minhyuk complained when Kihyun left the bed before he woke up.

He had a million reasons to love how beautiful Minhyuk when he slept, how beautiful Minhyuk when he woke up, how beautiful Minhyuk when he got flustered by Kihyun’s sweet nothings, how beautiful Minhyuk when his eyes fluttered closed when Kihyun leaned in for a kiss.

_Even though it was all a mistake._

_Even though Minhyuk was never his._

_Even though his love was always unrequited._

_Even though Minhyuk would never understand his feelings._

Kihyun loved Minhyuk with his whole heart, even though Minhyuk never loved him the way he did. Minhyuk was just too weak when he begged him to be with him, even though there was Hyunwoo, who was waiting for Minhyuk in their shared apartment. He didn’t miss Minhyuk’s tears when he kissed those sweet lips for the first time after Minhyuk dated Hyunwoo. He always noticed the guilt behind Minhyuk’s smile when they ran their relationship behind Hyunwoo’s back.

Kihyun was selfish and Minhyuk was selfless. They only brought catastrophe into their lives.

But, Kihyun still loved Minhyuk, even until the latter decided to end everything and leave him.

“I need you here with me,” Kihyun’s voice was only a mere whisper when he uttered those words. He was trembling with sadness and emptiness, knowing it only worsened the thing between them—if there was still any.

He could hear Minhyuk sighing, and the next thing happened was Minhyuk reaching for his hands, holding them tightly, comfortingly.

“I’ll be with you, Kihyun, just not in that way. I can’t betray Hyunwoo after all the trust he has given me. I’ll be here as your friend, your brother, someone you can lean on,” Minhyuk tightened his hold as he spoke. “I know it’s not easy for you to accept what we are now, but I can wait, Ki. You can push me away, but I will wait. I want you to come back to my life.”

It hurt how Minhyuk was still the kindest person Kihyun had ever met. It hurt how Minhyuk was still full of concern, how he always cared for Kihyun. It hurt how Minhyuk was still a man whose heart was filled with pure love, even though it wasn’t the love Kihyun needed.

The sound of tinkling bell told every customer in the café that someone had entered the cozy place. Kihyun looked up a little when the hold in his hands loosened, heart wrenching in more pain when Minhyuk muttered a name Kihyun didn’t want to hear, not now, not ever.

“Hyunwoo.”

Tears finally rolled down his cheeks when Minhyuk released his warm grips. Kihyun wanted to snatch those hands back and held them, never letting go, but he was too powerless to even move his fingers. He could only watch Minhyuk rummaging in his clutch bag. Minhyuk pulled out a notebook and a pen, scribbling something down the paper before tearing it from the book and giving it to Kihyun.

“This is my number. Call me? Please?” Minhyuk got up and approached Kihyun. He cupped Kihyun’s cheeks, thumbs wiping the tears that were wetting the skin. “I’ll be waiting, Ki.”

“Can’t you stay?” Kihyun took one of Minhyuk’s hands on his cheeks and held it close to his chest.

“I can’t. But if anything happens, just contact me. I will definitely call you if you let me know your number, though. Or do you still use the old one?”

Kihyun’s lips curved into a small, bitter smile. “Never change it just in case you want to contact me. You never did, though. You even asked Hoseok to tell me to come here.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were ready to have me back to your life. I’m sorry, Kihyun.”

Kihyun looked up at Minhyuk, braver this time. Tears had stopped streaming when he asked, “Do you think I’m ready now?”

Minhyuk shook his head. “But I’ll wait for you.”

“It will take forever.”

“I’ll give you forever.”

They were staring at each other for a brief moment, not sure what they were looking for in their eyes. It took some time until Kihyun sighed in defeat. “You’re getting stronger,” he murmured. “I’m not your weakness anymore.”

Minhyuk chuckled as he stroked Kihyun’s hair, letting the latter leaning into the touch before pulling away; he looked at Kihyun apologetically when Kihyun made soft disapproval noises. “I got to go,” he said. “Can’t wait for your call.”

One short hug ended their meeting today. Minhyuk waved his hand as he left with Hyunwoo, who had patiently waited for him at the table near the front door, understanding enough to let his boyfriend had a talk with someone he should’ve hated the most.

(Kihyun didn’t find hatred in Hyunwoo’s eyes when the man looked at him, though. It was amazing how Hyunwoo could forgive him when he, himself, could never forgive what he had done to Minhyuk and him.)

And, it did take time for Kihyun to finally dial Minhyuk’s number.

It was spring when the day was warm and comfortable.

_“Hello?”_

Minhyuk’s voice was warmer than the sun out there.

Kihyun breathed deeply.

“Hey. It’s me.”


End file.
